I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
