Kiss
Puke
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
