I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize