omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
