Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.

(1-323): View more from California

Did you put it in the freezer again?

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.

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(417): View more from Missouri

I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.

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(905): View more from Ontario

i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself

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(404): View more from Georgia

This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand

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(914): View more from New York

The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....

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(845): View more from New York

"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"

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(867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!

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