Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Floor bacon is actually really good
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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