My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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