Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
