I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
