she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
COCAINE IS GR8
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
