Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
