So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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