Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
