Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
