We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
