Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
