One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
