you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
