If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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