im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize