next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
