this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
