Why is your signature on my underwear?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
