sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
