Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
