ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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