dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
