Will you blow on my dice?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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