Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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