I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
