she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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