New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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