Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
