I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
