You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
