3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
