I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
