Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
