Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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