Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
