my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
