there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
my poor anus
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
