who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
