Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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