You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I need water and some morals
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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