Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
