if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
