you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
