Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
