its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
