there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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