fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
