xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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