I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I FOUND THE LEGS
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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