chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
