Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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