final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
