Do you still have your period?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
