dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
