i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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