I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
