how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
