worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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