I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
