I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
