let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
how drunk are you?
Several
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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