remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
