You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
