Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
