can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
