i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I understand Curling. That high.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
