When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
