it wasn't lemon gatorade
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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